


If you've only had this short lifetime, you've had a lot more than you could have wished

by jaydenbell



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Gen, underage sex - mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-13
Updated: 2011-11-13
Packaged: 2017-10-26 00:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/276712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaydenbell/pseuds/jaydenbell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As it turned out, death was not a silent and peaceful thing that happened as it did on TV. No, dying was like a symphony, everyone and everything coming together at the end for one final grand crecendo to wow everybody.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If you've only had this short lifetime, you've had a lot more than you could have wished

**Author's Note:**

> fill for a prompt at the puckrachel drabble meme on LJ

It had all happened rather quickly, which, in many ways, she was rather thankful for. As she sat propped up in her bed, she could hear her dads, her friends, her home nurse – all gathered in the living room because she had kicked them all out for some peace and quiet.

As it turned out, death was not a silent and peaceful thing that happened as it did on TV. No, dying was like a symphony, everyone and everything coming together at the end for one final grand crecendo to wow everybody. She hadn’t been left alone, not completely alone anyway, since she was diagnosed with cancer.

As treatments failed and she got sicker, she made the decision that she had hoped she would have never had to make for herself: stop everything…quality of life is much more important than quantity, and it was clear that her time was running out whether she fought it or not.

She held Noah as they cried together, wondering what it would have been like if things were different, if they’d had time to grow up, to have a family, to grow old together. They both had vivid imaginations and their ideas of growing old together soon became something to laugh about and they joked that perhaps it was best that they knew each other so young and vibrant, and not so feeble and wrinkled. The jokes helped. She didn’t want people to tip-toe around her; she needed them not to. So they all joked. The laughter and smiles were constant.

Rachel’s vast college fund that wouldn’t be used now was instead spread over months of private duty nursing care, concert tickets, movies, trips, and everything else she could think of doing before she couldn’t do anything anymore. It was strange, she thought, how dying brought out the best in her in so many ways; she was more adventurous and daring, didn’t care about money, just about making the best of her life and completely enjoying herself.

Those days had passed. She hadn’t left her house in two weeks. Had yet to leave her bedroom today and it was already well past noon. It was getting harder and harder to motivate herself to leave the comfort of her star-studded room when her bed was so comfortable and she had leisure activities enough to keep herself occupied. She pressed stop on the DVD player…she and her dad were watching a slapstick-style comedy, but she’d needed some rest and some space, so she asked everyone to leave her for a while and close the door behind them.

Her computer was on the table next to her and she pulled it close enough that she could drop the laptop onto her thighs and focus on it for a little bit. She’d started writing as a way to cope with her imminent young death, and really, it had been a comfort for her. She opened up a new document and began slowly pecking out things that were coming to her mind, the sounds of the people in the next room leaving her as she let herself get lost in her thoughts.

**

Her last day at William McKinley High School had been a memorable one. While people had stopped picking on her when they found out she was sick, she could still feel their stares, some pitying and others still just as hateful as ever. But on her last day of school – she’d decided she would finish out the semester before giving into her body’s state – everything changed. It became more real than it ever had been.

Karofsky hugged her. In the middle of the hall, where everyone could see, and apologized. Several of his friends did the same, all with very wet eyes. And Kurt and Santana had mentioned that the jocks had actually been nicer to everyone…they seemed to have been struck with a sudden dose of reality, Kurt speculated, that life wasn’t worth what they were doing to others, or to themselves in the process. Instead, her biggest tormentors were now the ones who smiled at her between every class in the hall.

Santana, who had been eerily kind for weeks, approached her in the hall and slung an arm around her. “Just so you know, Midget, you might be leaving this school, but you won’t be able to get away from me that easily.” That was apparently the warning she was giving her as to how she’d be spending no less than an hour every single day visiting her house and keeping her up to date on things she deemed important. And just being a good friend to spend time watching movies with or making junk food and lounging out in the sun all day with. And because she really cared, she still picked on her when nobody else did… And Rachel loved that most of all. The sense of normalcy when nothing really was.

Noah was with her every day too. None of their parents bothered with rules about curfew or sleepovers; if Noah stayed the night in Rachel’s room, it wasn’t mentioned. Everyone just sat down to breakfast together in the mornings like family without a word of it. And it wasn’t as though the two were taking advantage of her situation just to spend time screwing around. After Rachel got sick, she and Noah had sex less frequently because Rachel just didn’t have the energy. But when she did, when they could spare a romantic moment together, it was perfect every time, because they never knew when the last time might be, and they knew they had to take advantage of every moment they spent together.

Rachel’s Daddy took a leave of absence from work after she stopped receiving treatment. He said he’d rather be available to her whenever she needed, that his work could wait. So family time was abundant. Family time, friend time, boyfriend time; it was all more plentiful and more fulfilling than it had ever been in her life.

**

Noah had curled up beside her in bed to watch a movie as she continued to dictate onto her computer whatever lingering thoughts she’d been having. The process was slow, but she still felt decidedly much happier just to be able to do something.

She stopped when she noticed light snoring, that Noah had gone to sleep next to her, his hand resting across her stomach, always keeping her close. She smiled and stroked the top of his head. He stirred lightly and mumbled an ‘I love you’ to her. She said the words back in a whisper, feeling her heart beat a little faster like it always did when he said those words.

Pushing her computer off to the side, she slid down in the bed with him and closed her eyes.

**

Quinn and a freshman newly recruited to both the Cheerios and New Directions worked on the poster for a week before they framed it and revealed it in the choir room. A few quiet sniffles were heard as it was hung on the front wall, near the left side door.

“Disappearances happen…pains go phantom…blood stops running….and people fade away,” Mr. Schue recited softly, then shook his head. “But in this room, this family, this existence and beyond, you’ll always be the star that’s shining brightly in your heart.”

“Her final thoughts,” Noah said softly. The document was open on her computer when he woke up to find that her heart had stopped beating beneath his fingers. He knew she wanted to share that with everyone.

Mr. Schue nodded resolutely as he refocused his eyes on his teary-eyed club. “Nationals is in four weeks. We have a lot of work to do and I think she would haunt us forever if we didn’t win this one.” There were sad chuckles. “So, opening number, from the top everyone.”

**

The night they won, nobody cried. Everyone cheered, because they all knew who they worked hard for and won it for. She had only disappeared from their physical view.


End file.
